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Mar. 5th, 2008 @ 11:49 am R.I.P Gary Gygax
Current Mood: restless
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3655627.stm

if it wasn't for this guy my childhood would not have been the same.

as quoted by a BBC blokes blog "Without the creation of D&D, the video game landscape would be very different indeed. Would World of Warcraft be the global hit it is today, for example?"




In other news day 3 of quitting smokeing is nasty, got pins n needles and feel a combo of extream fatigue and depression.....fail

Just want to sleep now plz.

Still, waking up is alot easier and I generally feel alot more healthy...must keep that in mind.
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Mar. 4th, 2008 @ 11:08 am A note to self....
Current Mood: tired
Please check mirrors in the morning due and check coller size before heading into work with blatent pressure marks on your neck.


Its hard to fob off people when it blatently looks like finger marks.
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Jan. 29th, 2008 @ 05:37 pm Get in ma belly!
Current Location: home
Current Mood: fat
Holy sweet jeebus!

I think due to some serious slacking recently I'm beginning to feel really unhealthy, I part blame this on have a desk job....eating too much...and sitting on my arse when i get back home, this needs to change so I don't start believing the old worn out talk everyone keeps reminding me about atm, ok I'm not that fat, but I'm not that thin/built ether....and well ya know......I kinda wanna fit into my fave pair of clubbing combats again.


So time for exercise and cut back on foods, I have no idea whats the best way to do this, its prolly to do something with actually making a day where I say to myself "RIGHT! Time to get ya doughnut munching arse moving fatty!"

I would say the Gym but....meh......its a bit pretentious is it not?

So any tips on staying in shape for a slacker would be highly appreciated.
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Jan. 16th, 2008 @ 10:11 am The train is off the rails......please listen for further announcements!
Yup that's right, the train is off the trails and just slammed into a station!


In a metaphoric sense of course....


That's basically how I feel at the mo, I'm smoking too much, drinking too much and becoming very self absorbed....please hold tight and brace for impact.

Cue passengers screaming and being battered about like smarties in a half empty tube....thats what my head feels like.

All aboard the Shotgun express, destination....Temple.....Well that's what I feel like doing anyway, but I know that's not a sensible thing to do...


Anyway, I'm now going to run to the toilet to scream my head off.

*edit* Ok, I really need to sort this out, its well annoying and not very productive being this neurotic....time for a re-think.
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Jan. 8th, 2008 @ 08:04 am Aaaaaannnnnnd.....
Current Mood: a little rough
Ding!


30
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Dec. 21st, 2007 @ 11:17 am Gagged.....last post from work.
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: sad
Damn I can't blog at work anymore in the new year.


Nor can I visit the WoW forum, any forum, b3ta.com (cause its apparently offensive.

New office policys in place regarding home office browsing...I'm having a looky through them anyway too see more info...but meh...

Feel a bit gutted at the mo :(

*disclaimer: I am not slagging off the home office, I am mearly disappointed, but its not the end of the world, I love my job and would rather comply to this rather than lose it*
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Dec. 20th, 2007 @ 01:41 pm Age
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: contemplative
I feel really old today....


People reminding me about my birthday and what I'm doing for it....big three zero.....I really couldn't care less to be honest...drink drink and drink thats all I fancy doing...failing that sit in and play WoW, makes no difference, I'm still working, its still freezing, and I will still have to get up at 6am for an early start...same shit, different day two numbers different...big deal? na.

Usually this wouldn't bother me at all, but seems alot of people I know have taken massive steps forward in the "great plan for life" (you know the wife/hubby, car, career, dog/cat, morgage, kids etc) thing is this doesn't interest me much, I like to be totally uncoventional and live life how I feel like living it, for better or worse. Though, I did receive an E-mail today from my long term girlfriend, Luna, saying she is getting married. Honestly I'm happy for her, the bloke shes with is a nice bloke from what I've seen of him, but i got a sence that I wasn't going anywhere, made me think as I was doing my stupid ammount of fileing that got backlogged, trouble is I've been thinking for a long time that my life doesn't go past 40, I honestly can't see myself living that long, mainly due to terrible mental state...this could be why I don't make long term plans anymore(that and usually they usually go wrong anyway...day at a time)..

Saying that, I had the same issue when I was 10 about getting a job, now I'm in a job I can't imagine life without one....the mind works in silly ways.


Still back to going back why I hate this time of the year, no Christmas shopping done and I gotta do that after work, and a good friend of mines Sister died.....I fucking hate Christmas, it just brings misery.

As I say every year....

Bah! Humbug!

This sums it all up (nicked from Grey kid off www.b3ta.com)
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Dec. 14th, 2007 @ 02:12 pm Yeah go on then...MEME time
Haven't done one of these in ages sooo....


Nicked from [info]poifaerie

( Under here )
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Dec. 13th, 2007 @ 12:00 pm NOOOOOoooooo! Crimbo
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: Panic button!
Everyone talking about Christmas and now its time for my turn to start panicing.....I HATE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!


Getting stupidly *flap flap* about the prospect of buying the perfect gifts for people, and the lack of bloody time to do it in.....and the stomping of the random idiot members of the general public I have to tell to 'Get the f**k outta my way!'.

Still one thing I can't moan about is the fact I'm actually awake today! Yup actually got the required sleep for the night so I'm not a blithering wreck which is nice :) so you will not hear the usual "Bleeagr feel fuckin sh.......now I can't remeber what I'm talking about....angst angst.......fuck this" type posts I totally love writting on this..... GOD I LOVE THE INTERNET!

Most of news though is getting WoW related, been plotting random things and am trying to think up a plan to single handedly save the server and shut some of my guild up from the constant talk of raiding Kara....well.....Kara run 1 for Carpe Omnius is underway!


Still, please someone get a hook and perform a full frontal labotomy on me please....I have country musics in my head and something needs doing about that NOW!

new phraze for my constant panic though....

Less *flap flap* more *fap fap*
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Dec. 12th, 2007 @ 10:02 am PG tips please!
Current Location: work
Current Mood: tired
Bugger....


I'm writing again about tiredness, but I'm gonna .....

*gets stopped with question in work*


And now i forgot what I was going to say......

All I wanna do right now if goto my bed and snug up to someone special!

/yawn

have a mild hangover too......PG tips now plz!
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Dec. 4th, 2007 @ 10:23 am last post removed
Current Mood: bollocks to it
Screw it, that last ones going in my private stash with all the other emo junk.......

meh
*edit*
bitch bitch bitch...this days getting worse, fuck it im going for a ciggy.....
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Nov. 27th, 2007 @ 11:50 am Since I last updated...the highlights....in WoW terms (<3 geeking)
Current Location: Work.
Current Mood: creative
((This is how it went for me from a warrior tanks prospective.))

Sunday night on guild chat - plan instance

Head over too instance - drink needed buffs and talk about battle plan.

'Taunt' boss to desired location and begin to quickly 'sunder armour'

Boss begins to suck at health so quickly react with 'revenge' bringing boss under control and suck back at their health, then start to stack 'devastate'.

Keep hitting boss from behind, do this fast as boss hits hard to gain needed rage for enduring a long fight.

'devastate', 'devastate', 'devastate!' and for a good measure throw in a 'heroic strike' and some 'rend'!

Realize that durability has dropped to 0 and protection is hanging off.

Hearthstone to try again at later date.

Once again attack boss but this time take the boss from a different angle trying this time with no armour to save durability cost and taking things slower.

Get druids to 'maul' at boss before sundering armour again, then hit 'revenge' when target looks good for it.

Boss is down, but uses soulstone and hits back sucking at life again.

Tank gets effected by lag and is unable to do anything.

Tank is down, begins to scream over voice chat and 'releases spirit' to 'Graveyard'.



......


Try again at later date.
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Nov. 19th, 2007 @ 04:16 pm Curse you national power grid!!
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: Coffee buzz!
*Bod checks interwebs site.....see's Livejournal*


Ahhh my favorate ranting playground!


Just fancied having to mention that the national powergrid or whoever powers most of croydon......SORT IT OUT!

I'm a bit miffed due to several mini blackouts today forcing us to delay/comfort panicing candidates over possible lost information.....and have to give them extra time due to a few mins worth of that lost info.....so currently my situation is this....

1. I been watching my back of potential moans from our assessing team about the delay.
2. I get to go home ...FOOKING late.....(ive been here since 8am...getting out about nearly 6...no break)
3. Possible moans from candidates why they failed (get over it you failed....you suck.....welcome to fails ville, population, you!).

*bashes head vs keyboard, que flying keys and eyeballs*

That combined with having to put all this effort into flashing a 'WANKER' sign first thing this morning at the train driver who closed the doors on me inches from getting my hand inside the door.....he saw I was grabbing my ticket then closed em....the cunt! Thus promting no cuppa tea and morning brekki bacon goodness and had to settle for random crap at the Tesco.

*Shakes fist at the world in massive defience, knowing one day he shall rules the world and make them all his personal bitches!*

On the otherside of my life this weekend was the pinicle of awsome, though it went too damn fast and after many WoW quotes were used in a variety of TMI moments based on WoW I shall quote only 1.....WTB Nifty Stopwatch.
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Nov. 16th, 2007 @ 10:27 am ......aaaaand commence typeing!
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: grumpy
Damn bloody rushed today, plus woke up on the wrong side of bed (bloody hell raiding at late night is not good for waking up chipper!)so this chappy is a bit on the grumpy side this morning.

4 candedates.....all high grade which means more work ...rush rush rush (can I go home now plz?)

Still tarantula tonight so looking forward to some drinkages and some possible danceage!

Appologies to peeps last night if I sounded a bit snappy while running instances.....Think its once again time I gave it a little rest again and did somthing new for a bit......or better yet....go to bed on time!


right 1 min 20 seconds till next candedate.....

Squad one!
GO GO GO!!
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Nov. 14th, 2007 @ 12:49 pm WTB Energy!
Current Location: work
Current Mood: tired
Another day another....*yawn*......yeah....


Absolutly shattered today, not really updated due to having rather hardcore new PC to play with and being stupid busy at work....I think I have wrecked my bodyclock too.


Still I REGRET NOTHING!!!


Yes its been a good last few days WoW and laying in bed *grin*

Once again.....Thank you Coffee Beans!
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Nov. 2nd, 2007 @ 03:36 pm New worst name I've heard, ever....
Current Location: Work
Roger McAnally


This guy must have been beaten up so hard as a child.

And being serious...could you take orders from your boss if he had this name?


That is all.


*edit* what makes this even more ironic is that I just replaced this name on a folder with someone with the surname of 'Loving'
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Nov. 2nd, 2007 @ 10:13 am Research into mental health.
Current Location: work
Current Mood: content
Just making a quicky post really to try and solve a mental crisis.... any feedback or experience will be appreciated, kinda fancy having a debate about this.

Was flicking through a website (heh, lost my will to work atm so I decided to do something about it) on low self esteem, kinda weird how recognising certain aspects make you feel alot better....possible need for control when you have lost touch with yourself which happens to me from time to time....kinda odd how I realised how much I am missing things on this list due to not being able to indulge in my usual escapisms (see kids WoW/geeking is good for you!):

1.The need to give and receive attention (I get this from tanking and doing it well, plus otherthings :) )
2.Taking care of the mind-body connection (I'm good here I think)
3.The need for meaning, purpose and goals (RP+questing need I say more?)
4.The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves ( this is something I need to get back in touch with...my spirtual side is lacking as of late)
5.The need for creativity and stimulation (photoshop...nuff said also while writing this solving a major problem within the office *tugs at shirt*)
6.The need for intimacy and connection (I think I am also good here too)
7.The need for a sense of control (once again, I got this from WoW, this I think will all fall into place once other points have been satisfied)
8.The need for status ( my current job satifys this)
9.The need for a sense of safety and security (this could be worked on but I have enough I think to keep it with it)

And side effects of the loss of alot of these results in:
1.Social withdrawal - check
2.Anxiety and emotional turmoil - check
3.Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness - check
4.Less social conformity - check
5.Eating disorders - not really, unless you count skipping meals
6.Inability to accept compliments - check
7.An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself - check
8.Accentuating the negative - check
9.Exaggerated concern over what they imagine other people think - check
10.Self neglect - no, I have been working on this a bit.
11.Treating yourself badly but NOT other people - check
12.Worrying whether you have treated others badly - check
13.Reluctance to take on challenges - check
14.Reluctance to trust your own opinion - check
15.Expect little out of life for yourself - Nope not really got a problem here.



Still thats given me my next challenge to keep my mind busy, and after writing all this I strangely feel liberated...I just find it weird that such simple methods can resolve potential major crisis, all seems that a majority of these issues have caused some personal conflict and confusion (there is more on that site but im not linking the whole bloody thing(edit: lies http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/self/esteem/tips.html)) all of this needed to be addressed...sometimes all you need is that poke to sort of say "hey! this is your problem stop thinking its somthing else and get to grips", half the problem though I think is actually accepting you suffer from depression/self esteem problems, after that recovery is usually right round the courner.

Anyway that is all, back to work.
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Nov. 2nd, 2007 @ 08:08 am The joy of money.....
Current Location: work
Current Mood: productive
Tis friday!


This means I've been paid!


I check....JOY!


This means.....


Ordering new PC tonight......I've just got in work...want to go home now to get my shiz ordered NOW!

This is good on so many scales, I shall have photoshop and WoW back thus giving me back my escapism...thus stopping my brain going overdrive about life....thus resume normality....

Even better price has gone down...or get the same price upgraded version.....kinda glad I had all this trouble now :)

Now comes the issue about what I'm doing this weekend on a budget.....
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Nov. 1st, 2007 @ 03:14 pm *catches flys*
Current Mood: tired
YAAAAAAWWWWWNN!

Why can't I stop yawning!

time = slow

want.bed.now

This always happens after a hangover has dissapeared.

Red bull now plz?
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Oct. 23rd, 2007 @ 08:44 am *bashes head*
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: cranky
.............


How can a few dots speak so many words? This is basically what my current reply is to anyone who asks me today 'How are you', though that doesn't help when inside you just want to break something, I wrote up this massive post last night explaining in great detail the conflict which my brain goes through to try and dissect the problem through brain storming.

In the end I just ended up putting it on private with the rest of my angsty posts or other mental health related topics.....reason?....I only let one person in this life know how my brain works and there is no way I'd publicly admit areas which I know can be exploited.

Still cutting out all the juicy details and why I'm actually having issues at the moment I shall admit things are in crisis...

Ie. I have lost my escapism.

No Photoshop

No WoW

(oh and my credit agreement for my PC.....denied! So no new kit for a while)

I fucking hate it when I have to think too much about real life, or the way my head works.....fucking stupid piece of meat......It got so much to the point I felt like taking a cordless black n decker to my head just to stop a the constant war between my conflicting personal interests and morals which was causing lost sleep and frustration....Why can't I just have a normal stable frame of mind.


Still anyway enough rant....got tonnes of work to keep me busy so thats gonna keep my mind off it.
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